Dear Legbreaker, My wife is a beautiful girl...

Dear Legbreaker,

My wife is a beautiful girl, and every time we go out she gets plenty of male attention. Rarely is it disrespectful, but sometimes it crosses the line. She handles herself well, but at what point is it ok to start breaking legs?

Thank you,

Geturembedder


Geturembedder,

Hm. Intriguing. I know right where you're at with this. Its annoying...and even the best intended male attention on one's lady can seriously f*ck up an otherwise great night out. The key here is to remember that if your lady perceives you as jealous, she may take that as insecurity...and then you are screwed. So...you should do what I do.

What do I do? Glad you asked:

1) @ss grab. When the guy in question looks over at your lady...simply slide your arm around her waist, cup a cheek and squeeze away. If your lady starts, or jumps a bit, all the better. This shows the gawking @sshole that she is indeed yours, and that any further attention is unwanted, and will be considered disrespectful.

2) Peek-a-Boo. When the disrespectful @sshammer in question looks over at your lady...simply take your index finger, pull her shirt collar away from her boobs, and take a peek down her shirt, and exclaim ,"Look what I found!". If your girl is a sport, she'll laugh...and you, my friend, will have adequately communicated that the gawker in question should get the f*ck off your kool-aid.

3) My Fries. This is a personal favorite of mine. Its best done while driving, but can be done anywhere, really. As the offender in question is looking at your girl's goods, just slide a hand down her shirt, and inside her bra (a nipple pinch here is optional...but it drives the point home so clearly that I really recommend it), then look over at the f*ckwad in question and say, "What's up?". This is a favorite of my girlfriend's for reasons that I can't get into right now...suffice to say, she kicks @ss.

If none of the above work, then by all means...drop the hammer, my friend.