Dear Legbreaker,I was recently in a minor auto accident...

Dear Legbreaker,

I was recently in a minor auto accident. When the other driver got out of her car, she had this stuffy librarian look about her. Then when we exchanged information, I got a good look at her driver’s license photo, and that picture gave the impression that there might be a goer behind the glasses, sweater, and long skirt. Rather than going through the whole insurance route, I was wondering if there were any other options for reimbursement. Perhaps there is a cheez in her grill approach that can be pursued. How do I broach this subject? How much can I get out of her, is asking for the backdoor too much for a bumper? How do I then get her to pay for my car repairs? And is this considered cheating, or is it just reimbursement for pain and suffering?

Thanks for your help.

Sincerely,

Fast and the Furious


Hey there Fast,


Sorry about your car…that’s gotta suck, bro. Your situation is an interesting one, nonetheless. There are a few aspects that I think deserve further investigation…


1) She had this stuffy librarian look about her. The stuffy librarian type…hmmmm. Nothing says, “pound my @ss” like pair of glasses, a high neckline, and an ankle length skirt. Be careful though…stuffy, straight-laced types are a lot like trick-or-treating in a sh*tty neighborhood…you never really know what you’ll end up with. You might get a crack laced Snickers Bar, or a bomb @ss homemade popcorn ball…ya never know. Tread with caution my friend. She might be docile...and she might not. The last thing you want is to end up lashed to baby's bed with leather restraints while she comes at you with a vibrating strap on the size of a chainsaw.

2) I got a good look at her driver’s license photo. She actually looked good in a driver’s license photo? Wow. Common sense dictates…you’ve got to at least look under the hood. If you like what you see, then by all means, rev that sh*t up and see how fast it goes.

3) I was wondering if there were any other options for reimbursement. How do I broach this subject? Hm. It’s obvious that you’re due some sort of compensation here. I have a hypothetical situation here for you. As I see it, the conversation should go something like this:

Her: So, how much do you think I owe you?

You: Well, I have an idea, but I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.

Her: Well, the way I see it...mmffmmm…

You: I’m sorry, I can’t understand what you’re saying because my c*ck is in your mouth.

Basically…take the direct approach: See. Want. Take. Have.

4) Is asking for the backdoor too much for a bumper? It’s never a bad move to try popping the trunk. Think of it as an equitable exchange…she dents your bumper, and you in turn explore her available trunk space. Fair trade, no?

5) And is this considered cheating, or is it just reimbursement for pain and suffering? Yes, its considered cheating…and that is never okay. *


*This response may or may not have been included due to the fact that my girlfriend sometimes reads this blog, and I would like to continue getting laid on a regular basis.

Happy motoring!