Dear Legbreaker,
What's the point of arguing with a woman? I'm pretty strong minded and sometimes stubborn, so I tend to make points in my arguments, etc. If I win the argument, I'm happy for a second...but begging for some poontang pie later is a threat to my manhood(The horniness blinds your manhood). If I lose an argument, she's happy, but I feel like I let my male species down with another chalked loss. ''This is a mmmmmmmmaan world! yeoow ! Hit me!'' It's a lose-lose situation. Question is , how do I make her forgive me (I'm not excluding p***y waif stuff this time).
Thanks,
Tony
Tony,
*sigh*
Its simple, bro. Really simple. Just agree with her. Sounds easy, doesn't it?
The fact is...if you are involved in an argument, you have played some part in creating it. In order to defuse an argument, employ lesson 1 from Argument 101: Agree with your opponent.
Example:
Her: You are such an @sshole.
You: You are right, baby...I am an @sshole.
**and this is where you qualify your agreement**
You: And that is exactly what you love about me.
Her: Wha...um... well, uh...
***And this is where you justify your qualification, and issue your rebuttal***
You: If I stopped being an @sshole, you'd get bored, go look for some "bad boy", get your heart trampled, and pick up a "nice guy" on the rebound who will be about as entertaining as the second season of "Charles in Charge".
Her: Well...
You: So, if you think about it, you've got it pretty good right now, don't you?
Her: Well, I...
You: Lets shave your box, then f*ck ourselves to sleep.
Her: Okay.
Argument over. You get l@id, and no one's feelings get hurt. Everybody wins.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Dear Legbreaker,I was recently in a minor auto accident...
Dear Legbreaker,
I was recently in a minor auto accident. When the other driver got out of her car, she had this stuffy librarian look about her. Then when we exchanged information, I got a good look at her driver’s license photo, and that picture gave the impression that there might be a goer behind the glasses, sweater, and long skirt. Rather than going through the whole insurance route, I was wondering if there were any other options for reimbursement. Perhaps there is a cheez in her grill approach that can be pursued. How do I broach this subject? How much can I get out of her, is asking for the backdoor too much for a bumper? How do I then get her to pay for my car repairs? And is this considered cheating, or is it just reimbursement for pain and suffering?
Thanks for your help.
Sincerely,
Fast and the Furious
Hey there Fast,
Sorry about your car…that’s gotta suck, bro. Your situation is an interesting one, nonetheless. There are a few aspects that I think deserve further investigation…
1) She had this stuffy librarian look about her. The stuffy librarian type…hmmmm. Nothing says, “pound my @ss” like pair of glasses, a high neckline, and an ankle length skirt. Be careful though…stuffy, straight-laced types are a lot like trick-or-treating in a sh*tty neighborhood…you never really know what you’ll end up with. You might get a crack laced Snickers Bar, or a bomb @ss homemade popcorn ball…ya never know. Tread with caution my friend. She might be docile...and she might not. The last thing you want is to end up lashed to baby's bed with leather restraints while she comes at you with a vibrating strap on the size of a chainsaw.
2) I got a good look at her driver’s license photo. She actually looked good in a driver’s license photo? Wow. Common sense dictates…you’ve got to at least look under the hood. If you like what you see, then by all means, rev that sh*t up and see how fast it goes.
3) I was wondering if there were any other options for reimbursement. How do I broach this subject? Hm. It’s obvious that you’re due some sort of compensation here. I have a hypothetical situation here for you. As I see it, the conversation should go something like this:
Her: So, how much do you think I owe you?
You: Well, I have an idea, but I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.
Her: Well, the way I see it...mmffmmm…
You: I’m sorry, I can’t understand what you’re saying because my c*ck is in your mouth.
Basically…take the direct approach: See. Want. Take. Have.
4) Is asking for the backdoor too much for a bumper? It’s never a bad move to try popping the trunk. Think of it as an equitable exchange…she dents your bumper, and you in turn explore her available trunk space. Fair trade, no?
5) And is this considered cheating, or is it just reimbursement for pain and suffering? Yes, its considered cheating…and that is never okay. *
*This response may or may not have been included due to the fact that my girlfriend sometimes reads this blog, and I would like to continue getting laid on a regular basis.
Happy motoring!
I was recently in a minor auto accident. When the other driver got out of her car, she had this stuffy librarian look about her. Then when we exchanged information, I got a good look at her driver’s license photo, and that picture gave the impression that there might be a goer behind the glasses, sweater, and long skirt. Rather than going through the whole insurance route, I was wondering if there were any other options for reimbursement. Perhaps there is a cheez in her grill approach that can be pursued. How do I broach this subject? How much can I get out of her, is asking for the backdoor too much for a bumper? How do I then get her to pay for my car repairs? And is this considered cheating, or is it just reimbursement for pain and suffering?
Thanks for your help.
Sincerely,
Fast and the Furious
Hey there Fast,
Sorry about your car…that’s gotta suck, bro. Your situation is an interesting one, nonetheless. There are a few aspects that I think deserve further investigation…
1) She had this stuffy librarian look about her. The stuffy librarian type…hmmmm. Nothing says, “pound my @ss” like pair of glasses, a high neckline, and an ankle length skirt. Be careful though…stuffy, straight-laced types are a lot like trick-or-treating in a sh*tty neighborhood…you never really know what you’ll end up with. You might get a crack laced Snickers Bar, or a bomb @ss homemade popcorn ball…ya never know. Tread with caution my friend. She might be docile...and she might not. The last thing you want is to end up lashed to baby's bed with leather restraints while she comes at you with a vibrating strap on the size of a chainsaw.
2) I got a good look at her driver’s license photo. She actually looked good in a driver’s license photo? Wow. Common sense dictates…you’ve got to at least look under the hood. If you like what you see, then by all means, rev that sh*t up and see how fast it goes.
3) I was wondering if there were any other options for reimbursement. How do I broach this subject? Hm. It’s obvious that you’re due some sort of compensation here. I have a hypothetical situation here for you. As I see it, the conversation should go something like this:
Her: So, how much do you think I owe you?
You: Well, I have an idea, but I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.
Her: Well, the way I see it...mmffmmm…
You: I’m sorry, I can’t understand what you’re saying because my c*ck is in your mouth.
Basically…take the direct approach: See. Want. Take. Have.
4) Is asking for the backdoor too much for a bumper? It’s never a bad move to try popping the trunk. Think of it as an equitable exchange…she dents your bumper, and you in turn explore her available trunk space. Fair trade, no?
5) And is this considered cheating, or is it just reimbursement for pain and suffering? Yes, its considered cheating…and that is never okay. *
*This response may or may not have been included due to the fact that my girlfriend sometimes reads this blog, and I would like to continue getting laid on a regular basis.
Happy motoring!
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Dear Legbreaker, So a past friendship of mine slowly progressed into something more...
Dear Legbreaker,
So a past friendship of mine slowly progressed into something more and it was clear that we had some heavy chemistry. We went out on dates a few times over the span of a month or so and everything was all good. This chick was just getting out of a relationship that had gone sour, and unfortunately for me I knew the dude she had been with... and thought he was a punk. I knew she still had some issues with dude...but thing was...I saw it as just dating her so I paid it no mind. So one night over the phone she goes on telling me that she's a freak, she likes rough sex and that she thinks I won't be able to keep up with her. From the get go I wanted to see if I could dislocate her kidneys or at the very least widen her hips a few inches but this "challenge" took that to another level. This conversation had me expecting to smash her through my mattress very soon. Then the following day after another date... everything was out of whack. I had no idea what was going on so I call her... she starts crying without even getting two words out... saying she's sorry... and she needs space. I tried to reaffirm that it was just DATING, as in nothing serious. However she failed to understand this and said she wouldn't be able to talk to me for awhile because she "had some things to deal with and didn't want to have to get me involved in her problems". I knew that she was trying to say that she wasn't over her ex and that she needed to spend sometime with her girlfriends to "get over it". My problem is that I was left with unfinished business. I wholeheartedly believe that me nailing her would have made her forget that her ex ever existed. I don't talk to her at all now but there's still that thought in my head of me not sealing the deal.
Do you think she got some entertainment from leading me on then falling of the face of the planet? Should I just let it go...? Or should I try to close the case?
Thanks in advance,
Cuz
Cuz!!! Long time no talk!
After reading your letter, I’m glad you took the time to write. Chemistry and friendship aside, you are dealing with what my friends and I like to call the “common cocktease”.
The “common cocktease” is not malicious…she is simply doing what it is in her nature to do…which is basically to throw her box at you like a 90 mph slider…you think you’re going to be crushing that sh*t into the stratosphere…but you end up whiffing on a pitch that’s low and away. Weak f*cking sauce.
That stated, I’ve noted a few points of concern that I want to share with you:
1) This chick was just getting out of a relationship that had gone sour. Rebound! Way to go, cuz! The fastest way to get laid (besides hunting cougar) is to score a rebound girl. The unfortunate part about rebound girl is that she’s typically on the rebound for a reason, and more often than not its because she’s nuttier than a f*cking Snickers bar. Which leads me to my next point…
2) I had no idea what was going on so I call her... she starts crying. When preparing blast a rebound girl with baby batter, the universal sign for “Stop now and run for your life” is tears. All women eventually use this against you…emotional blackmail sucks, but if you plan on getting laid regularly, you’d better get used to it. But any girl that cries this soon has got more f*cking baggage than a 727.
3) My problem is that I was left with unfinished business. Indeed you were, cuz. However…you have something going for you. Since there was chemistry…she’s still thinking about you. Make no mistake cuz…you’re still in the hunt. But if you plan on dropping the hammer…you have got to act like you don’t want to. I know it defies logic, but it’s true. If she thinks that she has to work for your attention, she will. Act like you could care less if she’s around and before you know it she’ll be up on your junk like a kindergartner on a dime store pony… bank on it.
So…in my humble opinion, you should close the deal…but exercise patience…and let the deal come to you.
And by all means...when you do complete the conquest put an exclamation point on it by blowing your cheez in her grill. Trust me…its cathartic.
So a past friendship of mine slowly progressed into something more and it was clear that we had some heavy chemistry. We went out on dates a few times over the span of a month or so and everything was all good. This chick was just getting out of a relationship that had gone sour, and unfortunately for me I knew the dude she had been with... and thought he was a punk. I knew she still had some issues with dude...but thing was...I saw it as just dating her so I paid it no mind. So one night over the phone she goes on telling me that she's a freak, she likes rough sex and that she thinks I won't be able to keep up with her. From the get go I wanted to see if I could dislocate her kidneys or at the very least widen her hips a few inches but this "challenge" took that to another level. This conversation had me expecting to smash her through my mattress very soon. Then the following day after another date... everything was out of whack. I had no idea what was going on so I call her... she starts crying without even getting two words out... saying she's sorry... and she needs space. I tried to reaffirm that it was just DATING, as in nothing serious. However she failed to understand this and said she wouldn't be able to talk to me for awhile because she "had some things to deal with and didn't want to have to get me involved in her problems". I knew that she was trying to say that she wasn't over her ex and that she needed to spend sometime with her girlfriends to "get over it". My problem is that I was left with unfinished business. I wholeheartedly believe that me nailing her would have made her forget that her ex ever existed. I don't talk to her at all now but there's still that thought in my head of me not sealing the deal.
Do you think she got some entertainment from leading me on then falling of the face of the planet? Should I just let it go...? Or should I try to close the case?
Thanks in advance,
Cuz
Cuz!!! Long time no talk!
After reading your letter, I’m glad you took the time to write. Chemistry and friendship aside, you are dealing with what my friends and I like to call the “common cocktease”.
The “common cocktease” is not malicious…she is simply doing what it is in her nature to do…which is basically to throw her box at you like a 90 mph slider…you think you’re going to be crushing that sh*t into the stratosphere…but you end up whiffing on a pitch that’s low and away. Weak f*cking sauce.
That stated, I’ve noted a few points of concern that I want to share with you:
1) This chick was just getting out of a relationship that had gone sour. Rebound! Way to go, cuz! The fastest way to get laid (besides hunting cougar) is to score a rebound girl. The unfortunate part about rebound girl is that she’s typically on the rebound for a reason, and more often than not its because she’s nuttier than a f*cking Snickers bar. Which leads me to my next point…
2) I had no idea what was going on so I call her... she starts crying. When preparing blast a rebound girl with baby batter, the universal sign for “Stop now and run for your life” is tears. All women eventually use this against you…emotional blackmail sucks, but if you plan on getting laid regularly, you’d better get used to it. But any girl that cries this soon has got more f*cking baggage than a 727.
3) My problem is that I was left with unfinished business. Indeed you were, cuz. However…you have something going for you. Since there was chemistry…she’s still thinking about you. Make no mistake cuz…you’re still in the hunt. But if you plan on dropping the hammer…you have got to act like you don’t want to. I know it defies logic, but it’s true. If she thinks that she has to work for your attention, she will. Act like you could care less if she’s around and before you know it she’ll be up on your junk like a kindergartner on a dime store pony… bank on it.
So…in my humble opinion, you should close the deal…but exercise patience…and let the deal come to you.
And by all means...when you do complete the conquest put an exclamation point on it by blowing your cheez in her grill. Trust me…its cathartic.
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