Sunday, February 24, 2008

Dear Legbreaker, So this chick keeps coming into my work...

Dear Legbreaker,

So this chick keeps coming into my work. I know her kinda - I used to date a friend of hers. This girl is cute, but not my type. I don't see her for a while then she sends me this myspace message about how she never sees me anymore, and she asks me all these questions about how I'm doing...what I interpreted as her "leading a horse to water," if you will. So the next time she shows up, I kinda make a little small talk, just to be friendly, and she gets all embarrassed and leaves quickly. Now every time she comes in she hardly looks at me...WTF happened here and should I care?

Thanks LB,


Thanks for writing, Sac.

Before I begin, there are three elements here that must be pointed out.

1) Cute chick that's friends with a girl you used to date. Forbidden fruit. I love it! Any friend of a girl that you used to date (especially if she's cute) is bonus point material...big time. Man law dictates (pun intended) that you have to smash if presented the opportunity. This is not my opinion, amigo...its the LAW.

2) Not your type. Ummm...I'm not sure what you mean by this. So...she's cute. I assume this means she has all her limbs. Does she have a vagina? Unless she has cockeye, tank@ss, turkeyneck or snaggletooth...she's your type. At least for as long as it takes to cockslap her into your trophy case.

3) What happened? What happened is that the girl you used to date found out this chick was sending you myspace messages and heading into your work. The only person who can cockblock harder than the "gay guy friend", "the big fat friend" or "the buddyf*cker" is the p*ssed off ex-girlfriend. As matter of fact...if this b*tch had her way, you'd never get laid again. Remember...hell hath no fury like a girl you used to date whose friends you've been f*cking. Write that ish'll need it if you plan on following my advice.

What to do? Well, she's embarrassed because she a) doesn't think she has a chance with you, b) doesn't want her friend to find out that she's flirting with you, or c) is shy.

In any of the above circumstances, you have but one viable alternative: you need to scramble this chick's ovaries. With a vengeance. Go on the offensive. Start taking her up on her little flirtations...and drop the hammer on her.The endgame here isn't getting laid. Remember...the only thing better than f*cking your girlfriend so hard that she can't walk for two days is f*cking the sh*t out of your ex-girlfriend's friend so hard that she can't walk for two days...and making sure your ex finds out about it.

Smash it...well. The only thing cooler would be blowing your cheez in her grill.

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