Dear Legbreaker, How do I tell my girl to not get jealous...

Dear Legbreaker,

How do I tell my girl to not get jealous of all these breezies on my jock?I don't flirt but I am a nice guy and some people might mistake it for flirting.

Holla at ya boy,

Ritchie

'Sup Ritchie?!?

Long time, no talk my friend. I'm sure that the breezies make it tough to get to your computer. I mean...who really thinks about correspondence when some fine little honey is gettin' up in his junk? Which brings me to the point of your post. It is the nature of most girls to be catty. I know I've said it before...but I can never overstate this...vagina is a blessing and a curse my friend. Kind of like sh*tty mexican food when you're really hungry or day old pizza back when you were in college. At the moment, the sh*t is the bomb...but give it a couple hours, and it will make you wish you had a time machine so you could go back to yesterday and kill yourself just to avoid feeling the way you do right now. Remember that.

Anyway...there are a couple of ways to play this, and they really depend on the nature of your girl:

1) Jedi Mind Trick. While it is in the nature of every woman to be catty, it is also in the nature of a great many women to be stupid. If that's your girl, then this is your solution. Just ask her this question: "Baby...if I didn't have all these trampy lil' hoes trying to get on my stick, how could I appreciate how lucky I am to have you on my stick?" In addition to getting a laugh out of any of your buddies that are listening, it will shut her up for at least the next day or two while she tries to figure out what the f*ck you just told her.

2) Lie, lie, lie and...um, lie. I assume that its not the ugly b*tches that your girl is getting p*ssed off about. Right? Well...you've just been given a golden opportunity to check said breezie out. That's right. Give her the once over. Look at the tits. Check out the @ss. Take it all in. Then look at your girl, and repeat these EXACT words: "Baby...that lil' ho is nowhere near as fine as you are." In addition to guaranteeing that you will get a hummer later, you have also made your girl smile, AND got to scam a fine little piece of @ss right in front of her. Does it really get any better than that?

Yes...it does get better than that. But we weren't talking about cheezing in her grill.